Let’s face it, after you’ve been married for a while, dating tends to take a backseat. This is especially true if you have small kids. When I was in the dating game, I used to yearn for a time when I could hang out with my partner on the couch instead of dolling myself up (read: straightening my hair) to endure awkward dinners with near strangers. I mean, I had a guy lift my foot onto a table at a restaurant once(!), but that’s a story for another day.
After almost 7 years of marriage and 2 kids, though, some days I would kill to go on a date, minus the weird foot situation. Yes, it’s nice to have a break from being mom, but it’s more that special feeling you get when you intentionally spend time with the person you love.
But it’s really hard to go on a conventional date when you and your spouse work full-time jobs, you have young kids, and you don’t have a ton of childcare available. Heck, it’s hard to go on dates when you don’t have kids and you just get stuck in the groove of everyday life. So how can we get the benefits of dating without getting over these often-insurmountable obstacles?
Date at home!
There are plenty of fun things you and your spouse can do without leaving the house that will provide that intentional time together, rejuvenate your relationship, and make you feel like you’re dating again. Because we desperately need this, I wanted to set up a challenge that my husband and I could participate in with you.
A Challenge
There are 9 weeks left in the year (yes, I know, HOW!?!), so I picked 9 at-home date ideas that we can do between now and the end of 2023 to finish off the year with a bang. We will try for 1 per week, and we would love you to try it with us. The 9 ideas below are a great place to start, but feel free to veer off this list and tailor your at-home date nights to your preferences.
We will be documenting our dating journey over on Instagram, so follow @sarainseason to see what we get up to. And please tag me in your at-home dating adventures too, especially if you come up with other ideas than the ones I have provided here. If we are going to keep this up, we are going to need ideas!
1. Set up your own drink tasting
Pick your favorite beverage. It could literally be anything. Beer? Sure! Wine? Of course! Strange sodas you find at Cracker Barrel? Absolutely! Whatever beverage type you choose, get a variety. I’m envisioning a beer tasting where I go to a store that has a make-your-own 6 pack situation and pick 6 very different types of beer to try that I wouldn’t normally go for if I’m committing to a full 6 pack. Get tiny cups. Yes, the Dixie cups in the bathroom will do just fine. Pour about a shot’s worth of each beer into 2 tiny cups, one for you, and one for your spouse. Grab a notepad and start sipping! Enjoy the great ones, tolerate the meh ones, and muscle through the gross ones. Remember, as my dad taught me long ago, you must drink your mistakes!
2. Have a game night
Get those competitive juices flowing! It’s good to have a little healthy competition with your spouse, emphasis on healthy. Playing a game is a perfect way to do this and have a ton of fun. You can pick a card game (UNO never disappoints – Draw 4, sucker!), a dice game (I can play Bones for hours, especially in the middle of an extended power outage after a hurricane), or a board game (I have my eye on The Couples Game That’s Actually Fun). Keep it light, act like a kid again, and have fun!
3. Have a takeout date
We get takeout all the time, but we hardly ever treat it like a date. We usually do our what’s in store for the next week chat over takeout. There is nothing wrong with this, but I’m typically in pajamas and our focus is on logistics. Nothing date-y about it. It shouldn’t be hard to spin this typical part of our routine into a date night. Instead of pajamas on the couch, get dressed in something nice, set the table, maybe even stop at Trader Joe’s for a $3.99 bouquet. And don’t talk shop. Conversation about logistics is forbidden. Talk about your goals, places you want to go, things you want to do, etc. It’ll be like a dinner date at a restaurant without the waiter coming back every 5 minutes asking if you need another drink. Sounds pretty nice to me!
4. Turn your house into a spa
I have grand plans of going to the spa for a massage or a facial or a pedicure. But it never happens. I just never make the time. And my husband enjoys a massage every once in a while, too, but his work schedule is absolutely brutal, so it rarely happens for him either. So, let’s bring the spa to the house. Granted, neither my husband nor I am a trained professional, but we can each provide a muscle rub that will get the job done. Let your spouse pick (mine will undoubtedly choose his back), then you pick (feet for me!), then it’s back to regularly scheduled programming (which for us is falling asleep on the couch).
5. Catch a game on TV
The Fall happens to have a wealth of sporting events that my husband and I enjoy watching. The end of the calendar year is the sweet spot that offers football, hockey, and college basketball. With this abundance of sporting events available to us, you may ask why this is worthy of a date night. Because we rarely intentionally watch a game together in a way that would approximate an actual trip to a sporting event. What usually happens is that I will turn on a game, my husband will come in and out checking the score, the dog will curl up with me, I will fall asleep (yes, this is a trend), and when my husband comes to wake me up, the game will be over. Not exactly the optimal viewing experience. So for this date night, we are going to make it intentional. Get your favorite beverages, make the good snacks (looking at you, potato skins and buffalo chicken dip), and post-up on the couch ready to watch the game.
6. Do a puzzle
We used to love doing puzzles before we had kids. It was a nice way to spend quality time together and cooperate toward a common goal. We have not picked up a puzzle piece that isn’t a truck or a bug or a letter of the alphabet since we’ve had kids. This is a great idea for an at-home date night, though, because it can last over several days, depending on the degree of difficulty of the puzzle you select. I’m going to try to find a big one that depicts a place we want to go so we can tun our date night(s) into a physical reminder of a dream we share. I’m thinking we will set up the folding table in the basement so we don’t have to give up our dining table. This is especially important as the holidays approach.
7. Make your own sundaes
With kids, going out for ice cream turns into a sticky mess of humanity. Your kids are covered in ice cream, you are covered in ice cream, everyone’s clothes are covered in ice cream, the car seats are covered in ice cream. It’s very easy for the boo hiss of the clean-up to overshadow the joy of the ice cream. Take the mess out of it by buying all your favorite flavors and toppings, putting your kids to bed, and making your own sundaes. You won’t have to switch your decadent chocolate brownie for your kid’s disgusting Superman when he realizes that the bright blue concoction tastes awful. If you want walnuts, add walnuts. If your spouse likes cherries, he can add cherries. Enjoy an evening with your spouse acting like kids.
8. Make a bucket list
I love a list. Anyone who knows me knows that I live and die by my lists. I don’t know about you, but my daily to-do lists are filled with things like clean the humidifiers and pick up the dry cleaning. Helpful, but not exactly awe-inspiring or date worthy. There is a way to turn a list into a date, though. Make a bucket list! This can be a lifetime bucket list, a seasonal bucket list, a travel bucket list – anything! Making a list of things you want to do rather than things you have to do is a great way to spend an evening. You also might learn something new about your partner you didn’t know. Maybe he has a hidden desire to learn to belly dance in Marrakech or maybe she wants to achieve enlightenment on an ayahuasca trip in the Amazon. You may never know until you sit down and make the list.
9. Wrap presents
There is something about the present wrapping before a gift giving occasion. Try as you might, there is always stuff left to wrap at the 11th hour and the 59th minute before a birthday or Christmas. Instead of making it a stressful, negative experience, turn it into a date! Divvy up the presents, make some hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows, and maybe a splash of schnapps if you’re feeling extra festive), and get to wrapping! Work together on the big things and get creative for the oddly shaped gifts. Talk about why you think each person will like each gift you selected, and get ready to make those memories!
Good luck, and I look forward to following along with your at-home date journeys!