Are you looking to find yourself in motherhood? You’ve come to the right place. I’m sharing how I found myself in motherhood and how you can too.
If you are a mom, I have no doubt that you know how to lose yourself in motherhood. It’s such an easy thing to do in the sleep deprived dairy cow days of the newborn period. For many of us, though, it takes a lot longer to find ourselves in motherhood than it takes to get the baby out of the newborn phase. We get caught-up in the all-consuming love we have for our children, to our own detriment.
Although it’s much harder to find yourself in motherhood, it’s so important that you do. This might be controversial, but your kids want YOU as their mom, not the ghost of you that has lost herself completely to her role as their mom. They want to know YOU, and it’s so important that you let them.
Luckily, I have both lost and found myself in motherhood, so I have tips to share. Please commit to find yourself in motherhood, for you and for your kids.
How to Find Yourself in Motherhood
Skincare
When you’re trying to find yourself in motherhood, it’s important to start small. You can lose yourself to motherhood quickly, but it’s a much longer process to find yourself in motherhood. My suggestion about where to start (and where I started myself) is with skincare.
After I had babies, I let my skincare routine go completely to the wayside. Heck, I was barely showering in the newborn phase. Skincare was definitely not happening. Once I was able to start showering regularly again, I knew I had to get back on the skincare horse. My skin was suffering! Instead of immediately jumping down the rabbit hole and coming up with a whole 12-step skincare regimen, I started small, and I suggest you start small too.
At first, I just made sure that I was washing my face every night with a gentle cleanser and following up with a good-quality moisturizer. My bar was low. Once I had re-established a routine, I started adding in steps to address my specific needs. Next up was double cleansing with a gentle oil-based cleanser, then I added in a retinoid. And years later, that’s basically where I stopped in my nighttime skincare routine. It takes me a maximum of five minutes every night, so it’s something I can do for myself every single night, without fail.
Once I had established this tiny little amount of me-time every night, I realized that I could start adding pieces of me back into my life. Skincare was my gateway into finding myself in motherhood, and I will be forever grateful. If you’re looking to find yourself in motherhood, I highly recommend focusing on a simple skincare routine to start. Then, once you gain some momentum, you can really get going on your journey back to you.
Hobby
If you already have a skincare routine established in matrescence but you still feel like you’ve lost yourself in your role as mom, it’s time to add a hobby. You probably immediately reacted to that by freezing up and saying something akin to “I don’t have time for a hobby!” That’s for sure how I reacted when I was first introduced to the idea. But stick with me, it’s not as impossible as you think.
Hobbies don’t have to be super time-consuming or expensive. You can find a low-effort hobby that takes minimal time and minimal resources that will bring you joy and help you find yourself in motherhood. I highly recommend you pick one of these low-effort hobbies rather than diving into something more intense at first. Just like with a skincare routine, you’re just looking for something you can do for yourself with small pockets of time. Take the time you currently spend scrolling Instagram and pick up a hobby instead. Read, bake, color, whatever tickles your toes.
After you’ve devoted time to your hobby of choice for just a brief period of time, you’ll start to remember who you are. And now we’re getting somewhere.
Exercise
You could look at exercise as a hobby, but I personally think that you should make extra time for exercise in addition to finding a low-effort hobby when you’re on your quest to find yourself in motherhood. Basically, you need time to exercise both your body and your mind.
If you’re struggling to find time for both a hobby and an exercise routine, there are many opportunities within your mom life to move your body more. Once you get used to moving your body again, you can branch out and have more of a devoted exercise session a few times a week. I’m sharing below my favorite ways to move my body as a mom.
Exercise options for moms
- Yoga – If you can’t find time to go to a yoga studio, Yoga with Adriene is a great alternative!
- Walk – Especially if you have a dog, this is a great way to get some regular exercise. Want to increase the degree of difficulty and help your bone density? Add a weighted vest!
- Swim – My favorite way to get some exercise is to swim laps. It’s easier on the joints, but great for your cardiovascular health.
- Whatever you like to do – However you like to move your body is the best option for you. Remember, you’re trying to find yourself in motherhood, not some other lady who runs or bikes or lifts weights.
Style
Once you’re taking care of your skin, devoting some time to a hobby you love, and moving your body, it’s time to find your style again. Style is not something that ever came super easily to me, and it really fell off a cliff after I had kids. It wasn’t until my youngest was 2.5-years-old that I even attempted to find my mom style as a home stretch goal. But once I dedicated some serious time and effort to it, I found my style and even found the courage to share it with you in posts about my Winter mom style, my Spring mom style, wireless bras, and one-piece swimsuits.
And let me tell you, when I set out to find my mom style, I never imagined how crucial it would be in my journey to find myself in motherhood. Who knew pants and shirts could make such an impact on a person? For me, it’s because finding my style was something only for me. My kids and my husband don’t care what I wear, and either do my coworkers, so my style is purely for me.
If you’re tired of the constant loungewear or athletic wear, and you’re ready to find yourself in motherhood, I highly recommend focusing on figuring out your style. Browse Pinterest, head to the mall, fill a whole bunch of online carts until you decide which items you want to purchase. Just immerse yourself in style until you come out the other end knowing what you like and what you don’t like. For me, it’s timeless basics in neutral or cool colors that fit and launder well. For you, it could be structured items in dark colors or flowy, flowery skirts. Whatever speaks to you is your right style. Embrace it!
Sleep
I cannot overstate this: you have to prioritize sleep if you want to find yourself in motherhood. Because sleep is so essential to this quest, it often takes a bit of time to find yourself in motherhood after you have a child. For the first period of motherhood, you’re just not sleeping, so you couldn’t possibly get your groove back.
Once your kids start sleeping consistently, you must make sure that you turn your focus to your sleep. How do you do that? Different tactics work for different people, so unfortunately this isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. I like to read in bed before I fall asleep. I’ve found that has made the biggest difference in the quality and amount of sleep I get each night.
Manage expectations
Never before have young moms felt such pressure to be perfect. We are constantly bombarded with scenes of perfect motherhood and hacks to make motherhood easy. But guess what? Motherhood isn’t perfect and it’s certainly not easy. Sure, it’s easy to love your kids, but it ain’t easy to get your kid in a car seat when she is in DEFCON 1. The trouble is, no one vlogs these moments or writes about them on blogs, so you’re left feeling defeated when they happen to you. And let me tell you, it’s impossible to find yourself in motherhood if you’re constantly feeling defeated.
The Insta-moms aren’t going to suddenly stop white-washing motherhood, so if you want to stop feeling like you’re the only one struggling, it’s up to you to manage your expectations. Of course, you will have beautiful, wonderful, fun moments with your kids. I have these moments every single day. But it’s also healthy to expect really difficult moments to happen every day. If you start each day expecting a mix of positive and negative motherhood experiences, it’s harder to feel like you are utterly failing. In fact, you might even begin to feel like you’re succeeding at this whole motherhood thing. This, ladies, is when you can finally find yourself in motherhood.
Other posts
Want more practical motherhood tips? You might like these posts:
I truly hope this post helps you take steps to find yourself in motherhood. It’s fun! If you’ve found yourself in motherhood, what has helped you on your journey? Please share them below or over on Instagram @sarainseason to help other moms!