You send your kids to school all day, but you think about them the whole time they’re there. When they come home from school, you want to know how their days went. You ask the classic “how was your day?” question and you get crickets. What’s a parent to do?
In my experience, “how was your day?” doesn’t work to start the conversation flowing, especially for little kids. The question is too vague and too much to really get kids talking after school. Instead of asking a vague question about your kid’s entire day, you need a hook to get your kids talking after school.
My kids have been in “school” since they were tiny, and in those years, I have tried a lot of techniques to get my kids talking after school. A lot of what I’ve tried hasn’t worked, but I’m sharing today the things that have worked. So read on for tips to get your kids talking after school.
How to Get Kids Talking After School
Questions
So, we have established that “how was your day?” doesn’t work to get your kids talking after school. But I have had success with several other questions that hone in on more specific aspects of their days. Try to start your conversation with one of these questions, and you’ll soon learn quite a bit about your kids’ days.
What did you have for lunch?
Food is always something I can get my kids to talk about. It’s usually pretty easy to get them to talk about the foods that they ate during lunch, and that can often lead to a funny story of something that happened during lunch. That funny story then leads to more conversation about what they did at school, aided by some of the other questions below or not.
What did you do at recess?
Besides lunch, recess is usually a kid’s favorite time of the school day. Asking about recess can also grease the wheels for more details about your kids’ school days. This question is especially effective if your kid comes home with a recess-related boo boo. That boo boo can be your gateway to details. Don’t let it go to waste. (But also please make sure to thoroughly clean the boo boo so it doesn’t get infected.)
What was something weird that happened today?
My 4-year-old is super into things being weird lately. It’s definitely his new favorite adjective, and I have capitalized on it! I almost always ask him to tell me about something weird that happened at school. His answer usually involves a fart or bodily function, but it usually leads into more details of his day. Try asking about weird things and you’ll get your kids talking after school!
Who did you play with today?
Because we are still in our preschool era, my kids’ days involve lots of centers. They usually are lumped into groups of 3-4 kids and each group cycles through each learning center. Asking my kids who they played with or who was in their center group usually turns into at least a few stories from their days. If you have older kids, you could easily turn this into “who did you talk to today?”
Did you have a job today?
My kids love having a job at school. Be it line leader, meteorologist, or calendar helper, they are always jazzed when they have a job during the school day. My 4-year-old was the calendar helper two days in a row last week and he would not stop talking about his job. He tends to have better days when he has a job too, so I always cross my fingers that he’s given a job.
Can you teach me something you learned today?
In my experience, kids love to teach the grown-ups in their lives things they think they don’t know. I always get my kids talking after school by asking them to teach me something. They like to teach me songs they learned, new words in English and Spanish, or even the secret handshake they made up with their little besties. It’s a great way to bond with your kids and learn about their days at school.
Did you help anyone today?
Most parents I know want their kids to learn all the things at school, but they mostly want them to learn how to be great little humans. One way to encourage this moral development is to shine a spotlight on being helpful. I ask my kids everyday if they helped anyone at school. My 4-year-old can come up with at least a small thing he did to help a teacher or classmate each day and he’s proud to tell me about it.
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
I really want my kids to love school, so I try to get them excited about going every day. One great way that I’ve found to do that and to get them talking after school is to ask them what they’re looking forward to tomorrow. Their answers can be seeing a friend, going to the playground, or playing with a certain toy. Whatever they want to talk about is fine by me!
When to Ask
In addition to learning what specific questions to ask to get kids talking after school, I’ve also learned that there are better times to ask. Specifically, I’ve found four specific times that seem to lead to more conversation. Give one of these times a whirl!
While eating a snack
Food is such a good motivator. When my kids are eating, their lips are much looser. After-school snack time is the first opportunity to add food to the mix, so it’s often your first opportunity to get kids talking after school. If they are super excited about the snack, they’ll be even more likely to gab.
While doing homework
Because homework brings a bit of school home with your kids, homework time is often a great time to talk to your kids about their days at school. Having a background conversation about what they did at school can also take a bit of the pressure off the homework they’re doing too, so it can be a two birds with one stone situation.
While making dinner
As my kids have gotten older, I love to have them in the kitchen with me helping me make dinner. I bought them a set of child-safe knives and have made them chopping specialists. When we are together at the counter working to get dinner on the table the conversation tends to flow easily. I have fond memories of similar conversations with my mom when I was a kid, so I really hope that my kids remember these conversations about their days with the same fondness.
While eating dinner
Finally, the classic time to get your kids talking after school is during dinner. There is a reason that it’s a bit cliché to have these conversations at the dinner table – it works! An unintended consequence of having this discussion at dinner is that the conversation can take the pressure off eating dinner, which can lead to your kids eating more. I make no promises on this front, but anecdotal evidence suggests a positive correlation!
If you’re looking for other ways to engage with your kids, check out these posts that might be helpful:
I hope you have success getting your kids talking after school with these tips. Do you have other questions that you ask that gets the conversation flowing? Please share them in the comments below or over on Instagram @sarainseason!