If you’re struggling with bedtime, you’re not alone! Read on for solidarity and tips to make bedtime easier.
I have a 2-year-old, so basically everything is hard. Even just getting her out of bed in the morning is a process that typically includes at least 5 “nos,” a thrown stuffed animal, and a judgmental comment about my choice of outfit. So, if that’s how we are starting the day after a full night’s sleep, you can imagine that bedtime can be about the hardest time of the day. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.
When my 2-year-old started to have a rough time at bedtime, her older brother’s bedtime struggles when he was her age came rushing back to me. I remembered that there were tools that I could use to make bedtime easier, and I needed to use them with my 2-year-old.
Since I started using these bedtime tools again, bedtime has been easier for my 2-year-old. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not perfect. There are still nights when she tries every delay tactic in the book or cries herself to sleep, but we have at least set ourselves up for success. I hope you can use these same tools so you too are set up for success to make bedtime easier!
How to Make Bedtime Easier
Get the wiggles out
This one is a bit counter-intuitive, but stick with me here. You’d think that you would want to create a serene environment as the evening wanes, and we will get there, I promise. But first, it’s crucial to give your kids an opportunity to get the wiggles out.
On most days, your kids have been at school, really trying hard to listen, follow directions, and be a good kid. When they get home, they have a lot of pent-up energy that needs to be relieved. If you get them home from school, start right into dinner, and then move to the bedtime routine, you haven’t given your kids any outlet to get rid of this energy they’ve had stored either all day or since nap time. It’s very important that you build in some time to let them get their wiggles out before you start the wind-down to bedtime. This allows them to actually be tired when it’s time for bed, which significantly reduces the tension.
Take my family as your cautionary tale. Over the summer, we have been having some remodeling done in our basement, which has kept it largely out of commission. This is unfortunate, because this is typically our location for getting the wiggles out in the evening when the weather is extreme and takes outside play off the table. We don’t really have a great alternative location in our home for this after-dinner play time, especially because everything that usually lives in the basement is clogging up our other living spaces. Recently, we have been able to reclaim our basement again, so after-dinner play is back on the table. Both kids are much more ready to go to bed when that time comes, making bedtime easier. This mom rejoices!
Set a bedtime
My next tip to make bedtime easier is to set a bedtime. Now, I’m not saying you have be super rigid about a precise time for heads to hit pillows. That’s no way to live (trust me, I tried). I am saying that you should have a target time and try to stick within about 30 minutes of that time most nights of the week. Why? Kids thrive in consistent environments.
So, what time should you target? Of course, you need to pick a time that works best with your family’s schedule, but many experts suggest somewhere in the 7-8 pm hour. My family has found consistent success with targeting bedtime around 7:15/7:30 pm. They are tired enough at this time to want to go to sleep, but they aren’t overtired, so they sleep all night. What more can a parent ask?
Having a consistent bedtime is all well and good, but how do you get your kids on board to actually make bedtime easier? I have two tips to get your kids to buy into bedtime. First, start giving them warnings about 30 minutes before it’s time to start the bedtime process. I like to give a 30 minute warning, a 10 minute warning, and a 5 minute warning. Second, I like to pair my verbal warnings with a timer that goes off when it’s time to make the transition. I’ve found that my kids fight heading upstairs to start the bedtime routine way less when that buzzer rings. A timer is your friend, friends!
Have a bedtime routine
What I said above about kids thriving in consistent? Yeah, we aren’t done with consistency yet. Having a routine that you follow the same way every night really sets you up for an easier bedtime. When kids know what happens next, they feel safe and are much less likely to initiate a power struggle. And boy, a power struggle is certainly the most fool-proof way to derail bedtime.
I really like to have a checklist available to remind my kids of the bedtime routine, lest they forget and suddenly think that having an American Gladiator-style joust is part of the nightly routine. For pre-readers such as my kiddos, a picture-based checklist is a must. The one I made for my kids is below for your reference.
Pre-empt the stall tactics
Stall tactics might be the most frustrating part of bedtime with small children. You’ve gotten your kids’ wiggles out, you’re spot on your targeted bedtime, and you’re followed your bedtime routine to a tee. You’re feeling good. Then the stall tactics begin, your blood pressure goes up, and your lovely evening just took a downturn. So how do you avoid this negative turn? Pre-empt the stall tactics!
Every kid has their favorite stall tactics. I’m sure you’re thinking of your kids’ favorite right now. I sure know my kids’ go-to methods to try to delay bedtime. My 4-year-old’s is water and my 2-year-old’s is turning the light off and shutting the door to her room (seriously, she could take two hours to accomplish these two simple tasks if you let her). With this personalized knowledge in hand, you can make bedtime easier by pre-empting their go-to stall tactics. Have the water ready to go, shut the door on your way in the room, make sure your kid has given everyone in the house a hug goodnight, and get all of the night-time friends in their designated spaces BEFORE you start the bedtime routine. A little bit of forethought and planning really does make bedtime easier and can save your evenings.
Dim the lights
Step 1 to making bedtime easier was to amp up your kids by giving them the opportunity to get their wiggles out. Now it’s time to calm them down and put them in the right environment to promote relaxation and sleep. How do you create this environment? It’s easy – dim the lights!
Dimming the lights gives your kids an instant signal that it’s time to wind down. They subconsciously understand that day is turning to night when the lights aren’t intense. You’re basically simulating dusk in their bedrooms.
You can do this in two ways: put a dimmer on your kid’s light switch or use a lamp instead of the overhead light. We went the dimmer route in my 4-year-old’s room, and this works well. He has learned how to adjust the brightness of the light himself and has his preferred setting that works great for him. We were unable to install a dimmer in my 2-year-old’s bedroom, so we use the lamp strategy to make her bedtime easier. She knows that when we are finished reading books for the evening, it’s her job to turn off the lamp and then it’s time to get in bed. It’s amazing how something so small can make such a big impact!
Put their friends to bed
My last tip might be the silliest, but it also might pack the most punch. I learned this silly little tool to make bedtime easier from the wonderful gals at Big Little Feelings. Seriously, if you have small children and you’re not following them on Instagram (@biglittlefeelings), go do that now. They have such great ideas and are also so supportive of the moms in their community – they’re positive internet folks! Anyway, Deena and Kristin at Big Little Feelings suggested that you have your toddler put their friends to bed as a good transition to get him or her to bed. When I first saw this idea, I was skeptical, but also willing to try anything because my older kid was 2 and having major bedtime problems. Well darn if it didn’t work!
My 4-year-old hasn’t been putting his friends to bed at night for quite some time at this point, but when my 2-year-old started struggling at bedtime, this was the first thing I turned to for help. We got her Minnie Mouse and her Elmo and made them a bed on the ottoman. She grabbed a blanket and tucked them in and was ready to go to bed herself. The magic was back! Seriously, don’t sleep on this silly tip. It works!
Other Posts to Explore
If you’re looking for other ways to make life with kids easier, check out these posts that might be helpful:
Godspeed, friends. I wish you well in making bedtime easier. Share your success stories or vent your frustrations over on Instagram @sarainseason. We’re here for you!